I dig deep down in my problems, and eventually all I find is… resentment!
Most of the time it doesn’t really look like resentment. There is a story more complex than that. Good reasons, consequences, excuses, impossibilities, difficulties, etc…
The reality is that when I’m enthusiastic, I know I can do everything. And I can because I want to, and I love what I do! The real problem is not what obstacles are in front of me, but what I perceive in them.
Resentment because life is unfair
My “problems” can be simple obstacles that I overcome with enthusiasm, full of energy and passion. That’s even an opportunity to express myself when I do so!
Or they can become a reason to justify all my problems. All my stories should I say…
And if I don’t want to feel the “magic” but so natural enthusiasm, it’s only because it is totally contradictory with the deep resentment that resides within me.
The facts are there: life is unfair!!! And I want to express it, to show it, to demonstrate it!
People are unfair! Friends are unfair! How could I express some enthusiasm in a world as cruel as that?!!
…
Resentment for a gift
I have to admit, with the perspective, that some unfair stories proved to be a gift to me from life. I’ll explain myself: the story was truly an unfair situation with someone I truly trusted. No other way to see the situation.
But the consequences of that unfair situation, gave me quickly many opportunities to develop my life well beyond my hopes. In a way, life gave me the perfect situation to help me. The only point that I couldn’t accept was through which ways all that happened, because this triggering story was, by itself, unfair!
So the whole situation was like created for my own best interest. Only the story at its origin was an “unacceptable” situation.
In other words, if the reason why all that was happening would have been different, clearly pointing out that it was for my own best interest, but with the same consequences, it would have appeared as much more acceptable.
The situation was a gift for me, but triggered by an unfair story…
I must admit that even if I still don’t appreciate this story by itself, I perceive it a totally different way now. In a way I’d say that life needed some people to act a certain way to offer me this gift. But those persons were not able to understand what life wanted to offer me. So they needed a story that fitted their thoughts and own stories.
Life finds its way, wether you want it or not. We are not conscious enough and smart enough to understand it all, but we are not there for that either. We are there to take the gift, use it and enjoy it.
Maybe should we only look at what is for us in each situation. And stop feeling some resentment each time there is a story that seems so unfair.
As it’s been said in French: Le cœur a ses raisons que la raison ignore.
(The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.)
The heart means love, and what is life but love itself?
