Fear of being exposed: WHAT is exposed?
Being exposed is certainly one of the things that scare me most. And I guess I’m not alone in this case.
Actually it seems we are all playing a role in our daily lives. And when I say “it seems” I mean “we are”, as it is so obvious we are! Why are we? Well… that’s another question. One could certainly fill books with answers to this question. First let’s just point out that we live in stories that we make up. So we have to act according to this story. Now the question is: “Why do we make up stories?”. And that’s certainly one of the most fundamental question we could ask.
The fact is that we’ve been told stories from the very moment we were born. Stories about what life is, what its rules are, how it “works”. And so what we should do, what we HAVE to do, what is good or bad… But also things like who we are, as a family, as a boy or a girl, as a child, as well or not-that-well, and so on. All those stories, at first, are based on the “vision”, and so the stories of our parents. Then our teachers at school continue this endeavor, teaching us what we MUST know, because it is highly important in this world and will determine what we will do later. And so who we will be. We already have a very good idea of whether we are “good” or “bad”: at school, at home, in sports…
And then all those stories increase more and more as we grow up, as we enter in society, as we work, etc… A whole lot of stories that make us play the role we’ve been more or less assigned.
To end up with the “why”, I would say that without stories it is not possible to experiment different roles, and so different facets of life. And I truly beleive life is a kind of experiment we make so that we can try out many experiences. You’re going to say: “Why would we want to experiment bad if good is also available?”, which I think is true. Everything is really available to us and we are free to change our role and so to experiment anything else. But how can you EXPERIMENT something if you live that condition from the very beginning? So in order to discover something amazing, one must come from a place less enthusiastic. And how could we experiment building something if everything was already available at first? Inventing, creating if all was already there? That’s the most realistic answer I found up to now, and I find it rather interesting and realistic.
Now the real issue is how to change one’s role when we believe so much in the story we are in? Which is basically the question that this blog tries to answer its best!
Which makes me come back to my initial statement: being exposed is fearful. Why that? Because one could find out my story is just a story I pretend to be true. So it is just false! And as my story IS false, automatically I fear for it to be found out.
From there it seems realistic to say that I have two options:
- I want to make sure my story is confirmed by everyone, which makes it appear still more real. In this case I’m bound to live in fear, because nothing nor nobody can make sure this story will hold out forever. And as life is always changing, my story will have to change in order to survive
- I accept that whatever part of my life that proves to be false be recognized as so. And from there I can adapt and certainly live a life closer to what’s real.
From the first option I would say that as in any system, this system will always try to survive. And so our story will create more stories to justify the first. But obviously we are the ones who create those stories, maybe helped by others who support this story. Why do we defend something that proves to be false? Because we built our reality, our personality, our truth, our life, upon this story. And so we perceive life, and act according to this very story. If this story is false, in a way a whole part of our “life”, and even our identity is false! And here is the danger we don’t want to face.
Now what if we would just take the second option? What if we could just realize that, ok a whole bunch of things (if not everything) are based on stories and we fully agree to reconsider everything that just proves to be false? After all, if it is obvious that it is false, why bother and why not just accept what is? Seems very rational and realistic, doesn’t it?
I would say that what mostly prevents us from being just that realistic is that we base our life on future! Even worse, we take refuge in the future! And if our stories are false, so is our story of our saving future! Thus protecting our story is protecting ourself. Eventually I’m not exposing myself, but my stories. And so I’m not afraid of being exposed, but I’m scared to death to expose my stories!!!
Sounds crazy! And unlike the title of this blog, THAT is the part I don’t want to do anyway 😉