Let’s start to talk about personal things…
I was with a girl, I mean in a love relationship, from age 20 to 25. The breakup, although it came mainly from me (but I didn’t make the final step) was very very difficult for me!
Since then I hardly had another very brief relationship during the next few years, then… nothing for something like 10 years (still true)!!!
My reaction to that
I’m 39 at the moment I’m writing, and time went by extremely fast! I always kind of postponed (unconsciously) the moment where I would have to face another love relationship. Even if I deeply wanted that, I knew it would bring with it the same kind of problems one day or another.
And I promised me to never live that again!
Now, things must evolve. That’s obvious. My idea has always been very clear and extremely simple. A love relationship is not a means to fill a gap in my personal life.
So it must not be important to the point where I would fall if that relationship would come to an end. Sad, maybe, desperate, absolutely not!
Having that in mind I knew I had to develop my relationships, and create much deeper ones, especially with girls. This way, a girlfriend would not be my main source of feminine presence and love.
Which I did… a little bit.
I’ve never been very social in fact. Most of my relationships came from judo where I spent most of my time from age 13 to 33. So I didn’t take much time and energy to develop my relationships, and I made do with that.
Then I stopped judo, lived in Canada for 2 years, and came back to France. My social life became smaller than ever. Even less opportunities to meet new girls!
What really happened
Now here are the problems that I created throughout the years:
- I accustomed myself to living without a girlfriend
- I made the barrier -between my past experiences of a love relationship and a new kind of experiences- extremely concrete and large as I confirmed it for years
- I left loving relationships being something that others live, not me
- I accustomed myself to being far from feminine tenderness
- I established intimate male/female relationships as something difficult to experiment
Not only do I have a real problem to face: my vision of a love relationship and the place I tend to “naturally” give it. But I must now face this new reality that time has confirmed as being extremely real!
The difficulty to change
Things are difficult to change because we experience our stories as something very real. And the more you live according to a story the more you experience the consequences of this story and the more it becomes real.
Then you become more and more convinced that what you face is your one and only reality. The proof is you’ve been experiencing it for years!!! What can be more real than that?!!
What is difficult to change is never our actions by themselves, it is our stories! And when you can feel that a story is real, no matter what you say to yourself, no matter what you know is the truth, you act according to what you feel. And so you continue to live according to this same story you want to change.
How to change
At this moment it becomes obvious that in order to change, you must act despite what you feel.
And if you think about it, religions speak of faith. And what is faith? It is doing something that seems unreal but in which you firmly believe. In other words, you don’t feel it but you know it. And you act according to what you know, not what you feel. QED ; )
So as you can guess, I have a few things to change in my life! But I’ll come back to that quickly, because that’s what I’m currently doing. And things are (hopefully) moving fast now!
In fact, I made of this problem my main focus and my highest priority in my life.
