I have a theory about love that I’m sure can help you too. It is just a theory, but it is also something very obvious if you think about it.
When do you need a theory on love?
I happen to feel very lonely those days. It starts like little panic attacks that I have to control quickly and which can make me feel very sad, lonely, and desperate. Like I am lost in the middle of lots of strangers with no chance to ever get closer to anyone. Like I had made some mistakes in my life that had prevented for the rest of my life any true connections with others. Even though I know that I want many things to change in my life, I wondered why those sudden attacks.
Actually, I started to share interesting and deeper relations with a few persons recently. On the one hand that’s something I’ve enjoyed a lot! Really! But on the other hand that has also allowed me to perceive to what extent my life is really far from what I really want!!!
If I’m not really more lonely, I can see the huge gap in my life by contrast to those nice moments. And it seems that those last years, I had just protected myself from such relationships.
Why? Because the external world, and so others, have always represented a danger to me. So I meticulously protected myself by closing my mind -and my heart- to others. Not totally obviously! I’ve always been nice and, to a certain extent, “open” to others. But only to a certain extent… After that, well, you know: you either laugh about certain things, or you don’t expand on other things. And you try to “attract” others with a nice and smooth image, and a few skills… That seems to work so well sometimes!
The result: you end up being nice to most people, interesting at most, but having very very rarely the occasion to dive deeper in a relation.
In a way it was about time that I realised I was making a huge mistake on how to perceive and handle people around me!
It’s also interesting to notice that a few days before all that begins (I’ve recently remembered that) I asked myself: “Ok, what do I really want now? Show me what I really want!” all day long for a few days (Watch: Get your dream life now).
In a way I realize that I have now my answer! What I really want is love and true connections with others! Now I can even feel that urge…
So when you are in deep need of love, that’s precisely when this theory may help you soothe your pain.
The theory of love
Have you ever felt a very deep love? Something that makes you totally happy with no need of anything else. An intense sensation that you want to share with everyone, and you really care for others and want them to feel as happy as you are!
Probably you’ve experienced that while being in love. The feeling is true, even though it is based on a story that is not so true. But anyway, what is important here is to notice that you know that feeling. Love does exist!
Now imagine such a love. How can such a deep love be by itself? I mean, love exists, we all know it, so imagine just this feeling by itself. Because when we feel that love, no matter why we feel it, this love encompasses much more than just you and the person of your love. You can feel that it has no limit, that it reflects everywhere no matter what. It is much vaster than just the persons that have triggered it. Do you remember this feeling?
I remember once when I felt that love. It had been triggered by a connection with a girl. I could almost feel that love present in all the room, like flooding from the floor to the roof. I was wondering for a few seconds if that love was spreading beyond the walls. Then I realized two things:
- the girl herself was not even in the room
- that love was well beyond a single person. Even both of us were too insignificant to trigger all that. It was encompassing everything and I could just feel it at that moment.
Love is well beyond all our little love stories. Love is, and it is always complete!
Now I ask again my question, but a little differently. That love that we can sometimes feel so intensely, do you think it has some rules? Do you think it has some conditions?
Really, think about it…
Is conditionnal love, love? Is limited love, love? I mean imagine a parent truly loving their child. When they really feel that love for their child, do they feel it only if… and when… ? That can become a “story” of that love, that we say to be obeyed, or even to justify our behavior when we are tired. But when we feel it, is it a love with condition?
What a love on condition would mean? It loves, but… if all the conditions are not satisfied, then love doesn’t love anymore. Love withdraws itself and let a person be miserable, sad and desperate. We can feel such thing, yes. But is it the work of love?
When you feel a genuine deep love, you know, when you want everyone to be as happy as you and to experiment such a beautiful thing, do you put any conditon for that? No, it would make no sense, and that’s clearly not what you’re feeling at that moment. Because you’re experimenting love. True love!
So love by itself can’t be not loving. Love can only love, and love is all encompassing, because -by definition- it loves, and only loves!
So if true love exists, it can only be everywhere for everyone at every time! Period.
And we’ve already stated that love does exist!
How do I change my life with this theory of love?
Now you know that love is there with you, within you, around you, for you, everytime (so right now) whatever the conditions and whatever you are feeling!
What about all the conditions we need to feel that love? Like being in love, and being loved in return? All those are just stories in our mind. That’s another thing, just a trigger that enables us to open up and feel love. But love is and has always been around with no conditions! Because remember that love with conditions is not love, yet we know love does exist as we already experienced it!
So when you feel lonely, sad and desperate, remember that those things are just emotions. And emotions are stories plus sensations in your body that give you the impression they are real.
Now you know love is there, and your sadness, even if you can experience it, is only the result of imagined stories, of illusions.
And from there you can change what you feel! Re-affirm those truths again and again, and remember that that’s the only thing that truly makes sense. If we are sad, it is because we believed stories and repeated them to ourselves until we could feel them in our body. Now is the time to repeat to ourself the truth and reject all illusions!
That’s how I handle my onsets of panic attacks, and build the life I want. And now that I know what I want, I ask myself a new question: “Show me how to experience this love!”.
Learn how to change that here: How to use your mind to change your life
Live right now with all the love you want!
